I like to not have problems so just last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind that many of my friends had recommended.

This morning, I got a call from the very contractor who installed them.

He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and that I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo.... just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

So... I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year "in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves"

"Helllooooo..... It's been a year!" I told him.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.

He never called back. I bet he sure felt like an idiot.

An elderly lady phoned the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see a lawyer about having a will prepared. The receptionist suggested that they set up an appointment for a convenient time for her to come into the office.


The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?"

The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and the next day he went to her home for the meeting to discuss her estate and the will.

The lawyer's first question was: "Would you please tell me what you have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed under your will?"

"Yes, yes, " she replied, "besides the furniture and accessories you see here, I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank."

"Tell me," the lawyer asked, "how would you like the $40,000 to be distributed?"

The elderly woman said, "Well, as I've told you, I've lived a reclusive life, people have hardly ever noticed me, so I'd like them to notice when I pass on. I'd like to provide $35,000 for my funeral."

The lawyer remarked, "Well, for $35,000 you will be able to have a funeral that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting impression on anyone who may not have taken much note of you! But tell me," he continued, "what would you like to do with the remaining $5,000?"

The woman replied, "As you know, I've never married, I've lived alone almost my entire life, and in fact I've never slept with a man. Before I die, I'd like you to use the $5,000 to arrange for a man to sleep with me."

"This is a very unusual request," the lawyer said, adding, "but I'll see what I can do to arrange it and get back to you."

That evening, the lawyer was at home telling his wife about the elderly woman's request.

After thinking about how much she could do around the house with $5,000 and with a bit of coaxing, she got her husband to agree to provide the service himself.

She said, "I'll drive you over tomorrow morning, and wait until you're finished."

The next morning, the wife drove the young attorney to the women's  house, and waited inside the car while he went in.  She waited for over an hour, but her husband didn't come out. So getting tired of sitting and waiting, she tooted the car horn.

Shortly, the upstairs bedroom window opened, the lawyer stuck his head out and yelled, "Pick me up tomorrow honey, she's going to let the County bury her!"

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