An older man selected a new primary care physician. After two visits and several lab tests, One of the HMO Doctor's told him that he was doing 'fairly well' for a man his age.

The man a little concerned about the Doctor's comment, couldn't resist asking , "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

" Well... let's see," the Doctor replied, "do you smoke or drink?"

"Oh no!" the man answered.

Then the Doctor asked, "Do you eat steaks, lot's of fried foods, bacon, or barbecued meats?"

"No, no, no, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!" the man answered.

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"

No, no, no, I just don't," the man said.

The Doctor asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, have a lot of sex with different women?"

" Heck No," the man said. "I don't ever do any of those things."

The Doctor looked at the man and said, "Why do you care if you live to be 80?"

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.  A cell phone on a bench close by begins to ring with a deafening and highly irritating Rap Tune.  Someone screams, "Turn that thing off before I throw it in the shower room!"  A man nearest to the phone engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk.  Everyone else just listens.


MAN: "Hello?"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes, I am."

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new models for next year. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$60,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They've come down $10,000 and now they are asking $950,000. What do you think, should we make them an offer?"

MAN: "Absolutely. Go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $940,000 so they will know we are serious buyers."

WOMAN: "OK, Honey! Now you're talking! I can't wait to see you later! Look for me upstairs and don't be long! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."


The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then the man smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

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