When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent years researching and millions of dollars to develop a pen that would write in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, or on almost any surface including glass, and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.

The Russians on the other hand took another approach, they used a pencil.

I like to not have problems so just last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind that many of my friends had recommended.

This morning, I got a call from the very contractor who installed them.

He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and that I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo.... just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

So... I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year "in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves"

"Helllooooo..... It's been a year!" I told him.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.

He never called back. I bet he sure felt like an idiot.

There was this guy sitting in a bar looking quite depressed, he just stared downwards into his drink. He sat that way without moving an inch for over an hour.

Suddenly a big trouble-seeking angry appearing truck driver moves next to him, grabs the drink in front of the guy on the table, and quickly swallows it down.

The poor man starts crying.

The mean looking truck driver being affected by the man crying says, "Come on man, I was just trying to have some fun. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I can't stand to see a grown man cry."

" I am so sorry "  the man replied as he wiped tears from his cheek. " But you see this has been the worst day of my life."

" First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office.  My boss, outraged, fires me on the spot.  When I leave the building, to get my car, I found out it had been stolen. The police of course can do nothing immediately.  Then I get a cab to return home, and after I left the vehicle,  I remembered that I had left my wallet and credit cards and a sizeable amount of cash on the rear seat."

"I go inside my home, and I find my wife in bed with the gardener."

"So I came to this bar!"

" All I was thinking about, was putting an end to my horrible life, then you show up and drink my poison."

How can you both easily, and safely,  double your hard earned money?

By folding it in half.

Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," replyed an engineer.

They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed into a rest room and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please".

The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was a quite clever idea. So, after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to ride without a ticket"? said one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," replyed an engineer.

When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby.

The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket please!"

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